Last we spoke, I was talking about Fifty Shades of Grey, how it’s opened up the minds of women and then I brashly chose to offer my own thoughts on how you might get your husband or boyfriend into character long enough to turn him into your own version of Christian Grey.
3) Pace your man: If your man has never played a true dominant role before, or at least not at the level you’d like to play at, he’s going to be a disaster for the first while. Even though you want to play the submissive, you’ll have to lead him. As you push his limits of comfort, he’ll learn to push yours. This kind of play is a journey of discovery, there is no road map. There are only fragile egos and apprehension. Don’t expect too much too soon and don’t be afraid to laugh. It’s allowed to be fun.
4) Know your kink: That’s right, I said “kink.” We all have them and we all secretly want to try them. Instead, we too often suppress them. Why? For reasons unknown, “kink” is a bad word. Look, if you want to be tied up, ball-gagged and have hot wax dripped across the small of your back, you can have that and moreover, you should never be ashamed to say that you do. If you want to play with toys, go for it. If you have the fantasy, you also have the ability to live it.
5) Ask him what he wants: He may not know what he wants out of this new experience but as you open his mind, he’ll figure it out. Years ago, every man, when asked about a fantasy, would say, “I want a threesome.” How cliché is that? It involves such little imagination. Press him for the darker stuff. You might find yourself turned on by it and even if you’re not, you might just choose to step even further out of your own comfort zone and try it anyway.
6) Live in the moment: What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. The role of submissive and dominant need not penetrate (pardon the pun) your everyday life. Its play time for grown -ups and just like any play time; it eventually ends. Remember to enjoy every moment like it’s your last. You only get one shot at life. With what you’ve invested in your commitment to one another, you need to see it, be it and most of all, do it.
It’s spelled: S-E-D-U-C-T-I-O-N
Seduction is really what this kind of sexual experience is about. Only through practice will you both become better at it. If you love it, live it and enjoy it, it will almost certainly assure that both of you become closer friends, better lovers, and with this new and heightened level of personal and sexual communication, you’ll also become irresistible to one another.