Insecurity is a huge reason why a lot of the attraction and spark in a relationship disappears. This happens a lot more often than it should since insecurity, for the most part, is based on completely irrational and illogical premises.
That being said, insecurity is a rather natural phenomenon within humans. It’s a defense mechanism used to prepare us against possible hardships and in this case, insecurity presents itself when a fear of loss is imminent. And when a fear of loss is imminent, human beings tend to do a lot of irrational things.
I mean, think one of most valuable things that you own. Your car? Your laptop computer? Your guitar? Now think about if you knew that someone stole this item. You’d be pretty upset and I bet you’d try to find whoever stole the object.
Insecurity comes from this exact same idea. You fear losing something so valuable to you – in this case, you fear the loss of your boyfriend or girlfriend. So when other attractive people flirt with your partner, you experience a fear of loss. You think, consciously or subconsciously, that you may lose your partner to this new, charming individual.
And often times, you’ll say or do something to tell your partner that it doesn’t make you feel comfortable. And I guarantee you that doing this will cause way more problems than it does help.
So how can we solve this problem? You’re going to have to transform the way you think about your relationship. And that starts with changing you, not your partner. You’re going to have to accept the fact that this feeling is completely natural (although illogical) and you need to start feeling better about yourself.
You need to know that if your partner really loves you, then he or she won’t leave you for anyone. You need to reassure yourself that you are the most important person in his or her life. Most importantly, you need to be confident in yourself.
Second, you need to trust your partner. The reason why you’re feeling a bit insecure about the relationship is because maybe, in the back of your mind, you don’t really trust him or her. If trust is an issue, then you need to somehow resolve this issue through communication.
Next, try and be more optimistic. If your partner is out with his or her friends having a good time, then instead of worrying about it, go find more friends for yourself and have a good time.
Also, try and suppress your urge to say or do something that expresses jealous. I understand that feelings are feelings and you can’t control your emotions (if you could, then life would be so much easier, right?). The next time you feel like acting out in a jealous manner, don’t. Try and think, logically, what the best solution is. Know that if you do act jealous and control your partner, the more likely he or she is to lose attraction for you and ultimately, cheat on you.
Pick up a hobby. Sometimes the urge to blurt out something is uncontrollable so sometimes, one of the best ways to deal with this is to keep your mind occupied. So draw, paint, play the piano, play some videogames… anything that you enjoy!
— ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Belmont is a senior editor at LoveLearnings.com, where he offers relationship and dating advice.