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You can struggle with work, finances, or disagreement with friends. You can handle all sorts of challenges that life tosses at you. And you’re pretty good at playing it close to the chest, when feeling the pressure. Right?
But—when it comes to losing love—you seem to be stranded with your broken heart in the spotlight for all to see.
Paul Simon wrote:
Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you’re blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow. (Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group)
And I believe not a truer word has been spoken.
When a man is shattered by love it can affect every aspect of his life in a dramatic way. So, today, I want you to understand what coping mechanisms you can use to get you past these tough hurdles and get back in the game…the dating game!
It’s time to get over the hurt by getting over HER!
Since losing love can leave you feeling like zero, it’s extremely important that you master a few skills and GET BACK IN THE GAME.
Most often, when a woman breaks off a relationship, she’s done with you—she just doesn’t want to be with you anymore. She might give you her reasons for splitting, but chances are she’s already waited for you to change, or to give her more attention, or she’s realized that it’s not going to work out in the long run. Either that—or—you’ve just been had. There are women looking for stooges they can use and dump. I explain how to identify man-eaters in my eCourse “Get into the SAC”. You can read more about that below …
Whichever way she sees it, the worst thing you can to is grovel to try winning her back. This is NOT WINNING BEHAVIOUR. You’ll only be confirming her blackest view of you, and you’ll be left gagging in her dust trail as she vanishes from your life forever!
I promise you: she is not the last woman you will ever love.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO—for yourself, and for every other women in your future is to get your manly power back. Women are drawn to the kind of personal strength that gives a man EASY confidence. It attracts women. It excites them. It comforts them (because—let’s face it—we girls need a strong shoulder to cry on when life gets US down). So, here’s how to man up, play through the pain and get back in the game …
Five Essential Steps To Get Over Her For Good
1) Be honest with yourself and others.
If you were dumped, just say so, plain and simple. You don’t have to be ashamed, or make out that your ex was a bitch. Don’t try to soften it by saying, “it was mutual”. Just be cool about it. It happens to the best of us, and sometimes there is no way to understand why, so don’t bother trying to explain. You won’t save face. You won’t gain sympathy. Any women who might be interested in you will see trouble brewing. A fresh start needs a clean slate. Make a smooth run towards your next successful date.
2) Lean on your support group.
It’s perfectly fine—healthy, in fact—to talk to your close friends and family about your situation. We all have to vent and communicate when times are tough, and a break up is no different. However, mates have a low threshold for complaining about women – don’t abuse it. Everyone will sympathize with how you’re feeling, but no-one will appreciate you going over and over it. Pick one person you can confide in. Then, mainly rely on the others to be good company, help you lift your spirits and get you broadening your focus so you can get back into the groove of life.
3) Don’t assume she is thinking about you.
Even though you’re a nice guy, If things didn’t work out, she probably already packed her emotional baggage before the relationship ended officially. So, she’s either taking some time out for herself—or—she’s ready to move on, neither of which involve you. If you’ve had the misfortune to be suckered by a man-eater who was just using you, then she’s already circling her next victim.
I know it feels like your world is ending, but … you will get through this … and when you get yourself together, there’s plenty more great dating to look forward to.
The best way for you to avoid being used, dumped or even cheated on again is to learn how to identify the right girl for you, and the shifty signs that identify the devious ones. I go into all those details in my eCourse “Get into the SAC”. I’ll tell you more about that in a minute. Right now, let’s get to the next step …
4) Keep busy.
Crying like a little girl with a skinned knee not wishing to be seen isn’t going to work either.
You’ve got to get back out there lads and keep living your life. This can be easier said than
done; but moping around the house in your tracksuit pants watching Ready Steady Cook,
followed by Ellen is not healthy for anyone…….even a healthy person.
You’ve got to decide that you deserve better. Don’t expect to turn your life around in a heartbeat, but do focus on getting back to LIVING YOUR LIFE. To be honest, this is good advice even when you are in a relationship. The more balance you have within yourself, the less likely it is she will ditch you and—even if she does—the easier it will be for you to move on. Remember: the good times are ahead of you any time you decide to start moving in that direction!
5) Prevention is better than cure.
Too many guys stray away from what they know and love when they are in a relationship. If you become so absorbed with your girlfriend, you lose touch with other parts of your life that give you focus, strength and perspective. These could even be the very things that made you attractive to her in the first place. So, be sure to keep in touch with what makes you YOU.
The golden rule to remember here is:
Never become one because if you ever break up you become a half.
Trying to get back into a circle of friends after a break up is hard. Your mates aren’t used to you being around. It’s not that they’ll be resentful, but if you’ve been sidestepping them for your girl, the guys have evolved their sense of fun without you. It’s a natural progression when people connect regularly. So, keep your mates close, no matter what your situation.
The truth is: There are numerous lovely ladies out there just waiting to you, Mr Right.
So what happens now? Life continues. The sun keeps shining, the birds keep singing, the game goes on. It’s up to you how you want to play the game of life. The score may not be in your favour right now but there are plenty of minutes remaining.
Play through the pain – Erica Black – www.1stdate.com.au
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