The reported divorce rate in North America is that approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce. The rate of divorce actually increases with the second (67%) and third(74%) marriages. There are typically signs of marriage problems before separation actually occurs and for many couples, the signs go unnoticed or it’s far too late once they’ve realized the problems are there. I’ve spoken to many divorced and separated people who have even admitted to relationship problems before getting married but actually thought that getting married might solve those problems. Inevitably the marriage ended in divorce. The signs of marriage problems happen in a few key areas. I will discuss the problem and signs in three of them. Communication, sex, and money.
Signs of Marriage Problems: Communication
I have asked thousands of singles this exact question “Why in your opinion did your marriage end?” There have been countless responses that said “lack of communication”. The breakdown of communication would seem like an obvious one. Unfortunately it’s not always the case. Many couples fall into a “routine” and because they are busy with the responsibilities of family and work and countless time-consuming activities, there isn’t a lot of time to “talk” about things; or to each other. It’s easy to see how a person can hold a lot of resentment and emotion when there isn’t time to express or share their thoughts with their partner.
A lot of people have shared with me that they felt they were “blind sided” by their break ups. This is largely because they went about their day-day married life routine thinking they were happy, when the other person all of a sudden says “I’m not in love with you”. In hindsight I’ve heard the same people say that they did feel like things were routine. Just because you are not fighting with your spouse, it doesn’t mean you are properly communicating and connecting with your spouse. If you notice that your conversations are solely based on asking if the bills were paid, what’s for dinner, did you take out the garbage or take Katie to soccer practice, it really is not communication about how your partner is feeling or sharing anything on an intimate, emotional and spiritual level. If you can relate to what I’m saying, you may want to make an effort to really talk to your partner and make sure that every day you share something meaningful and heartfelt about your “feelings” on things that are important to you.
Signs of Marriage Problems: Sex
Perhaps I should actually rephrase this also to “lack of sex” or “change in frequency sex”. Many relationships fail because of a lack of compatibility in sexual attitudes. All new relationships typically involve a great deal of sex. This is because in the beginning or “honeymoon” phase of the relationship we can’t get enough of one another and can hardly keep our hands off each other. Attraction doesn’t die immediately, but over time and after marriage when you add the typical responsibility that comes with marriage, sex for many married couples is not the most important thing to consider.
Most of the research that I could find, and all the sex polls on the frequency of how many married couples have sex report it to be ONE – THREE times a week! Tisk Tisk
So a great sign of a marriage problem when it comes to sex is A.If you notice a change in the frequency of your regular sex routine, and B. If it’s less than 1-3 times a week based on the averages posted. Men are typically reported to have a higher libido than women. It is also reported that women have a lower libido after child birth. There are certainly exceptions to every rule, so if you feel that there is a challenge or change in your sex life, it’s best you deal with it early on and speak to your partner about how to heat things up again. There are many activities and books and sexual aids that can help spice things up in the bedroom. Start with planning a date night. Not only will this help with communication, but you may end up getting lucky.
Signs of Marriage Problems: Money
Many couples end in divorce due to the stress of money challenges. There can be a lot of incompatibility when it comes to money including contrasting personalities and views on money. One person can be a bit frugal where the other person can be viewed as a shopaholic. In the situation where there is only one bread-winner, often the argument is over the power struggle between the income earner and the homemaker. Many couples who find themselves in a lot of debt also feel the impact of stress especially if the financial situation is tight. It’s important that couples sit down and do they’re financial game plan. There are many companies and financial advisers that will take the time to take a total inventory of the income and debt to create a budget and strategy to help with the financial challenges. Communication is the best way to tackle money problems. It is best to try and get a handle of the situation and work with one another to come to an agreement how money is to be spent and try to understand each person’s view on the money situation.
Although there may the signs of marriage problems evident throughout the marriage because after all, we all have our ups and downs; the key is to always stay on top of the signs and to deal with the issues right away. It’s best to prevent the sings and problems by creating an action plan in advance. It basically all starts with great communication and being respectful and mindful of your partner’s needs. You may not always agree on everything but you definitely want to come to a mutual understanding and a compromise that works for both of you.