Relationship Advice: What do Men Want in Women?

This is a question I’m often asked by thousands of women! What DO men want?

I have interviewed thousands of men and although the specific qualities that men look for on an individual basis can vary immensely, there are always some very important traits that seems to appeal to all men. The results are a lot different compared to what women really want in a man. There are literally hundreds of personality traits and qualities that can be used to describe what a man is looking for. When men look for a long-term partner they have to consider basic compatibility on key areas in their life such as sex, religion, kids, finances, family and education. There are obvious deal breakers for some men which include if someone is a smoker or non-smoker, has pets, has kids, drinks, lives alone, height. In fact anything can be a deal breaker for anyone at anytime. It’s really all about personal preferences and what you are willing to accept and what you are not. So back to the burning questions: “What do men want in women?” I’ve collected just a few of the most common responses I’ve received when asking men this very question as a match making industry expert. What are you looking for in the “ideal” person?

“I want a woman who takes care of herself”

In my mind this phrase summarizes many things that a man is wanting from his woman. Taking care of herself often means she prides herself in her appearance. She hasn’t “let herself go”. This is a hug turn off to men and a big reason why many of the men I’ve spoken to are single. They lost the “attraction” to the person they were with, because she no longer took interest or cared about her physical appearance. It often indicates a woman is not concerned with how the man in her life is viewing her and becomes even less desirable because her self-esteem may be in question. Insecurity and neediness are the things that most men RUN from! Bottom line: Men want their women to look great!

“I want a woman who knows what she wants”

This phrase can be taken in many contexts. When men describe some of their past relationships and ex-girlfriends it seems some of the reasons for the failed relationship is that “she didn’t know what she wanted”. She needed to “find herself”. Many women are far too emotional and seem like emotional basket cases. No man LIKES a moody person with multiple personalities depending on which side of the bed they woke up on. Many men have expressed their distaste for women that bounce from career to career not knowing WHAT she wants. Mostly this is expressed in complaining and whining; which is also a big turn off to men. Men can’t solve a problem when it lies within her.

“I want a woman who enjoys sex”

I don’t think this phrase requires much elaboration. Men are driven physically. Men bond physically with women as a form of expression. Have you ever heard the phrase that “Men want a lady on the street but a freak in the sheets”? This is true. The ideal sex partner is willing to do and try anything once, be available on command, be extremely vocal and likely have a bit of a pornographic like quality when it comes to sex and love-making. Men also appreciate women that are vocal in bed and tell them what they want. You can almost hear “camera, lights, ACTION in the background! That’s enough to get any man excited if he knows he has a woman who truly enjoys sex and sex with him! Men most feel connected with a woman through sexual expression, and most men want to express themselves often!

“I want a woman who will laugh at my jokes”

A woman who will laugh at a man’s jokes, even when they’re bad is a true keeper! This statement implies that men also want a woman who is supportive. Having a good woman, is a woman who will stand beside her man and have his back. A man wants a woman who understands him and does not put him down. Men like the encouragement that women give them particularly when it comes to their career or things of importance. They also want to hear phrases like “You can do it baby”. Men like their ego boosted and many men have large ego’s that need to be fed. So learn to feed that ego. Laugh at his jokes and tell him he’s the greatest thing in the planet at whatever he’s good at or striving for, and you will make any man happy!

“I want a woman who has her own life”

Men are attracted to women that have their own interests. Men are very attracted to a woman that has self-confidence. A woman with her own interests and friends, means opportunity for the man to have HIS own interests and friends. As soon as a woman starts to become a nag and starts to ask questions like “where are you going?” and “who are you going with?” and “what time will you be home Or “why do you have to have a boys night anyways?”, she becomes the type of person that he doesn’t want to be with. Men NEED their private time and time to do men things with other men. Any woman that tries to take away or infringe on this basic freedom will certainly not be the type of woman he will want to spend the rest of his life with, or possibly even the next date!

“I want a woman who will just speak her mind”

Most men are basic and simple when it comes to communication. Each man possesses a little bit of “Unga bunga” in them. Let me give you some examples: “I am hungry. I want sex. Not right now. You look fat in those pants.” Men typically say what they mean, and mean what they say. There is no hidden meaning. Women on the other hand speak a very different language to men. We expect men to KNOW exactly what we are thinking and have secret super human psychic ability. When a woman says “No nothing’s wrong”, we all know that SOMETHING is definitely wrong., and it’s not her fault either. If you communicate to a man LIKE A MAN, then you will find that you will get what you want faster than beating around the bush and “hinting” at it. Men don’t like games, especially when it comes to communication. I often hear men say “I wish she would have just told me”.

“I want a woman who’s happy and easy-going”

There are a lot of men out there that have dated a series of bitter women that can’t stop talking about all the “bad things” that happened to them and sharing their sob stories of their last relationships, WITHOUT being asked about it. Nobody likes negative people and when it comes to dating, it’s a real no no! All men ultimately want a women that makes him feel good! If your are a negative disillusioned cry-baby, you can expect that NO man will want to be around you. Men want to spend time with someone who is fun and exciting and the type of person he can hang out with along with his friends and family as well. No one wants to share time and experiences with someone that always sees the situation or place with a glass half empty mentality. A great partner for a man is someone that is also like a “best friend”….who’s hot and attractive and will laugh at all his jokes! Wriiten with Love by Carmelia Ray

About Carmelia Ray

Carmelia Ray
Carmelia Ray is a dating, matchmaking & relationship expert with over 20 years experience working in the dating industry. She has personally interviewed over 60,000 singles all over North America. She is passionate about helping people find love.

13 comments

  1. Ever considered what the WOMAN might want?
    *Not being a object on her man’s arm, having to ‘look good’ for her man, him understanding that she’s beautiful regardless of what make up goes on her face?
    *Him laughing at HER jokes, encouraging HER ego?
    *Him understanding she’s not a fricking sexual automoton who can orgasm and go from zero to porn star at the drop of a hat?
    Surely you should be encouraging women to be themselves rather that trying to measure themselves against what a man might want??!

    • That’s covered in other articles, there are a lot of them stating what a woman likes in her man, and there are a lot of men caring what their woman wants from them as well. I myself work hard to be her ideal partner in terms of conversations, and I work out hard and diet to maintain a body that I know she appreciates.

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