Guest Author: Jessica Ruane is a blogger for online background check company Instant Checkmate, originally conceived as a screening service for online daters. To read more of her work, follow the company on Twitter , or add them on Google +
Years ago, the act of announcing that you found dates online was almost equivalent to admitting that you hire escorts. While the advantages were certainly numerous, online daters had to adopt a certain level of secrecy. Cruising the Internet for company was viewed by the general public as worse than being set up on a pity date by your friends.
Nowadays, online dating has shed its former stigma and is now a socially acceptable way to look for love. But, as more and more people jump onto the online dating bandwagon, it seems as if the number of desirable candidates is somehow shrinking. Fortunately there are several ways to weed out the snobs, posers, fakers and scammers before you go wasting a perfectly good Saturday night with someone you know you’ll never want to see again.
Here are 7 people to automatically reject when online dating:
1) The Peacock
The peacock will excessively pump him/herself up in their profile. Profile pictures, and content the person has written about themselves in the “about me” section of their profile can reveal whether or not the profile you’re viewing is in fact that of a peacock. Male peacocks will usually include pictures of themselves flexing in front of a mirror, and female peacocks will usually have at least one picture where they are making a duck face. The peacock will also do nothing but boast and brag about themselves. Avoid at all costs.
2) The “Jay Leno”
You know what they say, “Everyone loves Jay Leno.” If a person’s online dating profile is obviously going for mass appeal, instead of giving specific details about who they’re looking for, keep browsing. Guys that open up their profile with lines like “What’s up lovely ladies” or girls that come out with “Hey there fellas! I’d luv to hear from you!” are pretty much saying that they’re willing to go out with whoever. Casting a wide net is great if you want to catch a lot of fish, but do you really want to go out with someone who has caught and released lots of other “fish?” Think about it.
3) The Whack Writer
A person doesn’t have to spend 5 hours coming up with presentable content for their dating profile in order to look like they still tried. Someone who can’t spell to save their life, and has virtually incoherent writing should be avoided. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is uneducated, but it does indicate they lack attention to detail which probably carries over to how they treat an intimate partner. It someone can’t take the time to spell basic words correctly, they’re probably looking for dating quantity, not quality.
4) The Desperato
Someone who opens up their profile with a line like “It’s awfully lonely cooking dinner for one” is desperate for company, and will probably be a clingy date. Avoid people who talk about how they “haven’t been on a date in so long” and say that “they just want someone to talk to”. Unless you are equally as desperate, the only strong emotion you’ll be feeling on your date is pity, not passion.
5) The Sprinter
Building a relationship is like running a marathon, but some people treat it like the 100-meter dash. Beware of people that are overly eager to establish an unnatural sense of intimacy. Folks should not be busting out pet names or calling you “baby” after only exchanging two emails. Just because you’ve established that you both like to go hiking, doesn’t mean that the other person should start planning a weekend getaway. Take your time, let it happen naturally.
6) The Flat Out Faker
I’m sure everyone slightly embellishes their assets when creating an online dating profile. It’s like writing a resume, you embroider the truth to make it look prettier. That’s one thing, but people who tell lies and make obvious exaggerations about their looks and/or capabilities should be instantly vetoed. Look for inconsistencies to see if someone is being dishonest. Do they claim to make over $250k per year, but they live with a roommate in a two bedroom apartment? If certain things just aren’t adding up for you, it’s time to move on. If they can’t even be honest in an online dating profile, what else are they capable of lying to you about?
7) The Dangerous Lover
Online dating carries far greater risks beyond boredom and possible heartbreak. Some of the people online are extremely dangerous and could even put your life in jeopardy. There are more and more reports of women who have been sexually assaulted by men they met through online dating websites. The risk is very, very real. So how can you tell if someone could be dangerous just from looking at their profile? Author Mary Ellen O’Toole, Ph.D., has evaluated serial killers during her long career as an FBI behavioral analyst. She offers up some phrases to look for in someone’s dating profile which could be a red flag. These include:
“I’m not into playing games.” O’Toole says, “Do they bring it up because they’re projecting onto you and are anticipating that you’ll play games?”
“I’m looking for someone who is going to be my soulmate.” A seemingly sweet statement, but O’Toole says, “You want to look at who is the most important person in this profile. Is it the writer or is it you? [Beware of] someone who seems to become jealous, or possessive.”
“I’m not the kind of person who would cheat on my wife.” Once again, an innocent sounding statement is laced with hidden meaning. O’Toole warns, “This makes them look very defensive.”
Many experts agree that one of the best ways to keep yourself safe while online dating is to run a criminal background check on the someone before you meet them in person. Violent individuals are usually repeat offenders, and if someone has convictions for things like assault, stalking, or harassment, unless that person has gotten help, they will continue these kinds of behaviors into their next relationship.
Online dating is supposed to be fun, convenient, and stress-free. But to ensure you have a good experience, it’s important to know what to look for, and how to avoid potentially dangerous situations.