How to Deal With The Sadness and Pain Of A Break Up.


This article is a guest post written by Alex J.

If you are dealing with a break-up, you might feel right now that your heart is broken, and may stay that way. Don’t worry, I will try to help you get over your lost love.

Love can be a very peculiar thing-it can turn from joy to misery in a matter of moments. You may go from being a happy person while you are in a relationship, to suddenly becoming an emotional wreck after a breakup.

Sometimes people have trouble accepting that breaking up is inevitable, and their ex wasn’t what they had dreamed of. That discovery period can be very frustrating, and people become very sad; even depressed.

To help you cope with those sorts of things, I will discuss some of the most important breakup tips in the following article.

The Most Important Advice to Overcome The Sadness Of a Breakup

One thing I need to point out, is it is in human nature to search for a partner who can help us to get through bad times. That is why all of us often rush into relationships. We want to be in love, because many of us don’t want to be alone.

You can compare this situation with the one in which people look to hide from their problems by using drugs. Many of us are relationship-dependent and craving for a dose of love. That dose will make us calm, but will leave us craving for more and more all time. This condition, is commonly referred to as ‘love addiction’.

As it happens, some people just love to love. They love only the feeling of love, and are not, in fact enamored with their partner. Only, the problem is, they don’t know it.

And what happens when that sort of relationship falls apart? The ‘love addict’ will be certain the person of their dreams just left them. That person will get back to the bad state that made him or her enter that relationship in the first place. Depressed and miserable, these people will think that they can’t live without their ex.

It is definitely easier to fight your problems when there is someone by your side. However, it is bad if you don’t suit each other. If you started your love relationship only to cope with your current problems, than your love is not real. That state of mind is called external dependency.

External dependency is a defense mechanism our mind uses to get away from the problems. We have tendency to become dependent to certain external factors in order to feel safe. Love addiction is a type of external dependency – we make our love partners our saviors.

In this case, many of us choose to find a partner to in order to cope with problems together. When we face some big troubles in our life, we tend to look for someone who would be willing to share the suffering.

Difference between True Love and Addiction

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How did you feel when you were single?
  • Were you in a bad mood or even depressed while being alone?
  • What were your thoughts about being single? Did you think that you won’t achieve true happiness unless you find someone to be your lover?
  • Do you feel now that answers to all of your problems came along with your girlfriend or boyfriend?

If your answers were yes, you might be not in love with your partner. As a ‘love addict’, you love the feeling of being in a relationship.

Emotions over People

Every love addict will forget about their ex, as soon as they enter a new relationship. They are really addicted to the emotions of love, and may not truly be “in love” with the person they are with.

How to Deal With a Breakup?

Unrequited love can cause severe suffering to the ones who are in love. It can be very difficult to be without the person you consider the woman or the man of your life. But I’ll ask you, are you sure that that person is really the one? What if you are just another love addict?

I know that it’s not easy to deal with a break up, but try to understand what love addiction means. Try to be as reasonable as possible in breakup situation, keep your composure and you’ll recover quickly from your love wounds.

If the reason why you entered the relationship in the first place was to get over your problems, then you might think that the solution for the breakup sadness lies only in a new relationship. But, is that the truth? Well, you might be a love addict that unconsciously searches for external escape from your problems. You need to fix your personal problems and only then you’ll be emotionally stable.

The Fear of Rejection

Sometimes after a breakup, people don’t feel sad because they had lost a potential soul mate, but because they don’t like to be rejected. Some people feel offended by rejection. They become insecure and start thinking of their weaknesses that might have lead to the breakup.

If you feel this way, you need to change your opinion about yourself. Remember that if you weren’t good enough, your ex wouldn’t even enter the relationship with you.

How Much Sadness is too much?

It is perfectly normal to suffer after breakup, but that must not affect your social life, job, and your health. You will go through several phases of sadness after a breakup, until you’re completely emotionally recovered.

It’s quite  normal for people to feel bad and angry following a breakup. You will feel like that for some time, but eventually you’ll get over it. What you should remember, are the lessons and positive experiences the relationship brought to you.


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