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Ahhhh, you’re in a new relationship and all things seem so wonderful! You may be feeling those butterflies in your stomach, you laugh at all your partner’s jokes, feel warm and tingly inside. This is the time that you truly feel and believe that you may have met the right one! Maybe he seems to display all the qualities about what women really want in a man. But, we’ve also been there and done that. All new relationships feel great, which is why we call it the “Honeymoon” phase.
That phase doesn’t last forever. Your relationship evolves over time and you want to get off on the right foot. The following 5 Essential early relationship tips will help guide and nourish your relationship in the early stages with your new partner.
Essential Early Relationship Tip #1: Always be yourself
At any stage, it’s important that you are always yourself. This is not the time to pretend to be someone that you’re not just because you don’t want to risk losing this person. If you are not yourself, you will have a very difficult time pretending to be someone that you’re not for the entirety of the relationship. An example of that would be if you said that you LIKED to travel when you are afraid of flying! You can only make up a certain number of excuses before your partner clues in to the fact that you don’t like to fly or travel.
If you are going above and beyond and in essence being “phony” just to impress your partner in the early stages, well you’re only making things difficult on yourself because your new beau actually believes that you are sweet and romantic ALL THE TIME. And the minute that you start to relax and return to your normal average niceness, it will be noticed immediately. I’ve heard countless complaints from couples and singles about how their partner changed over time. Well he “used to” open car doors for me and bring me flowers and all of a sudden one day it stopped. Please do yourself a favour and do not false advertise. This is a sure way for your relationship to come to an eventual end, and will be looking for advice on relationship problems.
You are at the early stage of a relationship. If you are thinking long term, you will have lots of time to impress your partner and give them attention and affection and occasional surprises for the length of the relationship. If you pull out all the stops up front, you will be struggling and challenged to keep it up. If you are yourself, you are comfortable and natural and this goes a lot further than pretending to be someone you’re not. You will come across as phony and also confuse your partner when you stop with the charade. If your goal is to be in a long-term relationship, then you would want to know that your new partner really likes you for who you truly are and accepts you as is.
Essential Early Relationship Tip #2: Spend & Make quality time for each other
For any relationship to grow, you need to spend quality time with one another. If you are unable to spend a lot of time with one another because you are in a long distance relationship, make sure that you read our long distance relationship tips. You are in the early stages of a budding relationship, so making time for one another not only shows that you care for this person, but it’s an excellent way to develop your friendship and get to know this person to determine compatibility. If you are like most people who are very busy, you may want to dedicate a date night with your partner, and be sure that you can stick to your plans.
Essential Early Relationship Tip #3: Have a life!
What attracts most people to someone is the fact that they have a life! What that means is that your life doesn’t revolve around your other half. Too many people at the early stages make the mistake of dropping everything and being totally “on call” for their other half. I can tell you that this is NOT a good move nor is it very healthy or attractive. Your family and friends are important and should not be tossed to the side or “ditched” just because you’re in a new relationship. In fact, you can be inclusive with your partner, at a comfortable pace, but do not suffocate your partner with demands of spending time together and being joined at the hip. This is not to say that you can’t spend a great amount of time together if you both agree and genuinely enjoy spending time together. It just means that you should not dismiss friends and family if they want to spend time with you also. You also do not want to give your partner the guilt trip if they want to spend time with their family and friends. This is normal in the early stages. You can’t expect to be invited to every function while you are still getting to know one another, and you can’t be disappointed if they don’t want to meet your family and hang out with your friends just yet. Be conscious of the time you spend together and allow for enough space which your partner can truly appreciate.
Essential Early Relationship Tip #4: Always be clear
In the early stages you want to make sure that you have very open communication. If you are always clear about your goals, your likes, your dislikes and your feelings, you will always know where you stand in that relationship. It is not a time to “hide” things from your partner. If you have certain habits and regular activities such as smoking, or a regular card night with the boys, or going to Church on Sundays then you want to be honest and upfront and share with your partner things that are important to you and anything that is routine in your life. It is extremely important to communicate and be very clear about your relationship goals. If you are not looking for a long-term relationship or you are ONLY interested in a marriage partner and want to have kids and a family right away, you want to make sure that you are on the same page. This doesn’t mean that you scare this person off by sharing popular baby names for boys or looking in the Real Estate section of your newspaper asking what your partner thinks of the new house you’d like to move into. It just means that before you start to invest time, feelings and financial resources on your partner, make sure that you agree on the important things and that you share core values.
Essential Early Relationship Tip #5: Go with the Flow
Communication and trust are the foundations of any successful relationship. You can read all about the do’s and don’ts and read all the rules out there about dating and still be completely lost or feel that it may not apply to your situation. Everyone’s views on relationships vary slightly or greatly so the best advice I can share with you is to go with the flow and also listen to your gut. You should always be in tune with how this person makes you feel. What does your gut say? What are your thoughts about this person and what are your thoughts about relationships in general? If you’ve been hurt in the past, do not make the mistake of stereo typing your partner as a cheater, or treating them as if they’re guilty because you lack trust. Learn from your past experiences and don’t repeat them. You are in a new situation with a totally different person so playing the comparison game is not good.
Remember to always have fun and take things lightly. This is an exciting time so enjoy every moment and don’t forget these essential tips to help you through this amazing time!
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Excellent article Carmen, I’m a regular reader of your posts and they are really interesting. Keep it up!
Thank you for writing this article Carmelia — it’s excellent advice.
I especially like your tips on communication and having fun! It’s similar to my H.E.A.R.T. strategy for dating… Happiness comes from authenticity; Energy controls relationship interactions; Assert yourself; Recognize that you’re more than your behaviors; Test your comfort zone.
I’d love to hear all about your H.E.A.R.T strategy for dating! Perhaps you would consider submitting a guest post? Thanks for reading and visiting our site. I’m a fan of your work and appreciate the ways that you help people 🙂
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Hi…i had met this girl online a few weeks ago and we finally met for dinner a couple of weeks ago… I am 36 yr old guy who in the last number of years dated much younger girls.. So this current girl was 35 and we completely hit it off, went to the movies a couple if days later, them she insisted on coming to my house one evening because she had to see me… I was reluctant because i had my daughter with me that night… She didnt care but i got her to come after she went to bed…all was great…we shared oast relationship histories and she told me that she had been used and treated badly in the past by her exs… Also this night she asked if would drive up on sunday to spend the day with her and have dinner with her family… i was a little shocked but thought what the hell and agreed….We met for lunch and xmas shopping the next day and dinner the day after which was a week after our initial date…. Everything was perfect however she was very open about wanting to get married and have a child sooner rather then later…i didnt get freaked out and mentioned i wanted the same things and that didnt scare me… She even talked about dresses and rings etc…. I figured all in good fun and went along… So this week anniversary dinner we had sushi and lots if saki…. Great night… She hadnt mentioned the dinner at her parents again since the offer so i asked what was up with that…she said she tends to get excited and jump in to relationships only to get hurt so thought it best to postpone the parent meeting… i agreed and completely understood….We came back to my place and i had gotten her a nice gift for xmas to be thoughtful (a clutch from coach that she wanted) before she opened it i told her not to freak out about the gift i was wanted to get her something… She loved it and said it was the best gift a guy ever gave her… We then ended up having sex that night… She had told me she wasnt on birth control so i was going to use a condom…she advised she normally got the guy to pull out… I wasnt keen on this but we were drunk and she said she wanted me to cum inside her and if she got pregnant she would be comfortable because it was me…. So i did… I know this sounds weird but we are both normal people with good jobs…not psycho… Anyways…she then said she thinks she was falling in love with me… I was happy she said that and i said the same thing back even though i new it was too quick… I thought everything was perfect… We txted the next day and i asked how she felt about the night before… She said she felt really good about it but was a little scared about the pregancy thing… She then popped over to see me before she left for her parents for xmas… All was good…. We talked about us being now in a relationship and said we loved each other…had a quickie then she left…
Now comes the trouble…the next day i could feel some distance in her txts… Not flirty or cute just basic… I continued with the odd i love you here and there but eventually stopped because i figured it was too much… The txts continued to be generic over the holidays but they still continued…i had decided i would give her some space and would keep my txts basic and not reply right away…often she would be the one txting and i would respond which i thought was positive. I knew she already had plans to go to mexico with her girlfriend on the 30th of december so we had planned to have dinner before she left again…and i wanted to talk to her about what was up and that we could slow down…but she ended up going to the hospital with a partially detached retina the day of our dinner…so we never got together… Still txting and having communication but i really wanted to see her to talk but she said she was busy getting ready for her trip plus i had my daughter…our timing is bad i know…anyways i finally asked via txt if she was still interested in us…she replied we went so quick that it was her fault not mine…i didnt know what this meant but i agreed we moved quick and suggested we take it slow…that i like her and feel we are good together…i suggested we get together when she gets back from vacation…she agreed….i am too old to play games and would rather know whats up so i can move on so asked if she was serious about getting together or if she was just trying ti get me out of her hair…she said she was serious…
So thats were we are…but i feel like down and want to know what happened or whats going on…i really like her and havent felt like this for years ( i have dated alot) but see myself with this girl and think we both want the same things in life…i have read online that she went cold because it moved to fast…and she is freaked out…am i overeacting and need to chill…can this be reversed and start fresh and move slow? Just looking for some female advice and what to do from this point
That is quite the whirlwind that you just described and I have to agree with you BOTH, that it was WAY TOO FAST! I don’t believe that you are over-reacting to your situation about feeling out of sorts, but this very fast start and use of the phrases “I love you…discussion of children, marriage, introduction to immediate family members” is really not recommended by ANY of dating and relationship experts I know.
The fact that sex came just as quickly and you ejaculated into her and she did NOT have an issue with that, would really cause some red flags for me (if I were you) to begin with. I do not know enough about either of you to comment fairly and to give you any personalized advise until I know more.
I would strongly recommend that you slow it down. You can’t really “start over” when you crossed the finish line already…as far as sex is concerned. I do not know what either of your long-term goals truly are, except for what you’ve shared in the comments section.
YOU are always in control of your choices and going with the flow can work sometimes. But there’s typically negative consequences to moving too fast.
If you’re interested in more one-one coaching or relationship advice you can email me your questions to: email@example.com
Happy New Year,
Thanks Carmelia for sharing these greAt tips….
I must say I totally agree with all your points especially #1: Be yourself… I tried to fake myself at the beginning of my first relationship ever and I discovered I paid dearly for it as time went on. I won her heart with my fake personality and was not able to continue my fake life… She couldn’t take it anymore and we broke up…
Always be yourself is on advice I give all the time now…
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Really great detailed tips.
In my opinion #3 is where most people suffer a lot (or maybe it’s just me : /)
Always being there for your partner is great, but demanding that they do the same could easily break up the relationship. Don’t give them pressure to spend time with you, let it happen naturally.
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